God Gave Me You

“God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true”  Dave Barnes

To my husband,

These words have never rang more true. I know right now we are going through a rough patch, and lets just be honest. IT SUCKS. Life is hard. Really Hard. There are days where all I wanna do is cry, some days I wanna yell. Somehow, most days I just want to love you. If I am being honest, its hard to love you right now. I’m hurt, your hurt. We are all hurt. I WANT to love you. I CHOSE to love you. No matter what storm of life we are in. I LOVE YOU! I get frustrated easy, I get hurt easy. Most days I am wearing my heart on my sleeve and holding all the pieces together. You know what though. I haven’t been fair. Sure, I have responded kindly and in grace (at least that has been my intention). But I haven’t been fair to you. You aren’t supposed to be this knight in shining armor. You aren’t supposed to save the day. So when life deals us a hard blow, when the world around me seems to be crashing in, when I feel like I am drowning, its not your job to fix it. It’s not my job either. I can’t hold myself together. I was never meant to you, Neither were you. Those are the times I need to lean on my one true savior, God. Jesus Christ is my rock. He is the glue that it is meant to hold me together, the person that I know will never let me down. Because to put that pressure on you, it isn’t fair. All it does is put a weight on your shoulders that you were never meant to bear. It sets you up for failure. I am not saying that what happened (to all inquiring minds this will be a story for another day) is okay, I am not saying that I am not hurt by it. I am not relieving you of blame or placing blame on you. What has happened has happened. I can’t change the past, neither can you. Together, with Christ as our rock. We can change our future. We can make this the marriage we dreamed of. We can make it the marriage that God has intended it to be. After all God gave me you. God gave me you, he gave you me. Knowing everything, we were truly meant for each other. I believe that God is for us. That God loves us. That God wants us to succeed. It’s gonna hurt. It’s gonna get messy. It’s gonna be a ride. But it is ride I wouldn’t want to go on with any one else. It’s a ride that I walked on knowing the risk. 

” Yes, I’ll love him when we’re fit, And when we’re hurt, and when we’re sick, And I will love him when we’re rich And I will love him in a ditch And I will love through good and bad, And I will love when glad or sad, And I will love his outdoor ways on golfing, fishing and hunting days. I will love him even though he does not want to shovel snow. And I will have, and I will hold Ten years from now a thousand fold, Yes, I will love for my whole life” I said this words (okay, I couldn’t find our copy of our vows, but I know all of these elements were in there, I might have missed a sentence or two.) on our wedding day.  “From now until the stars grow cold, I do”  These words are still true. I still mean every single one of them. 

I love you! 

Your wife 🙂