What I would give to be the mom in the carline…

Carline, a thing I used to dread… 45 minutes in a car with my cranky toddler who just wants out and a snack or two or five.

Carline, I’m not sure anyone really likes the carline. Unless your toddler is sleeping and it’s your hour of peace. In which case hats off to you. You rock.

Carline, is officially a thing of my past.

Instead I get to skip it. I get to go quietly into the school and pick up my kid. No mess. No hassle. No carline.

Everyday.

An hour early, my kid gets to leave.

For what reason?

Simply because my 6 –SIX– year old is not strong enough to make it through an entire day at school.

For the past year as we have learned our new normal. A life where epilepsy doesn’t define us but it certainly calls the shots at times.

During this year we watched as medication after medication has been added to our arsenal. As option after option has been put in front of us.

As option after option has been tried and failed.

This year we have watched as the once full of life, big personality, vibrant eyes of our daughter have dulled. She is still so full of life and personality. Her eyes still shine but behind those eyes you might catch a glimpse of something….

Sadness. The sadness of test after test, poke after poke. Medication after medication.

What you will see is her little body fighting a fight so much bigger than her. What you will find is her body giving way to side effects of the medication.

The same medication that is saving her life.

You see I picked up my six year old from school today and she didn’t even make it home before she fell asleep.

While, I wouldn’t change my daughter for anything. Her laugh, her smile, her personality is life giving. She gives the best hugs. She has the biggest heart I have ever seen.

I wouldn’t change her, God has made her so unique. She was wonderfully made and is one of the missing pieces of me I didn’t know I had.

I wouldn’t change her but oh how I wish I could take away her struggle and her pain.

How I wish to see her play for hours again without getting tired. To see her be SIX and not get tired.

So you see I would give anything to be the mom in the carline.