A few days ago I was sitting holding my sleeping 6 year old.
Sounds sweet right?
Wrong.
You see she had had 3 seizures in 3 days. Friday night. Saturday night. And Sunday morning. This was Sunday morning.
She was too tired to go to her Sunday school class so she was hanging out with me. Her body too tired. While she didn’t have big convulsions, the effects on her body were the same. It was done. She slept all through worship, most of the sermon. We went home ate lunch and she slept the rest of the day.
Her body was losing the battle with itself. Fighting a disease that has taken so much and will continue to do so for the rest of her life.
The sermon Sunday was over listening. How we should listen closely, continuously and courageously.
Three songs kept playing over and over in mind as I sat there holding my sweet girl.
One we sang that morning.
Good Good Father by Chris Tomlin
“Cause you know just what we need
Before we say a word
You’re a good good father
It’s who you are, it’s who you are, it’s who you are
And I’m loved by you
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am”
Because he is just that. A good good father who loves Olivia far greater than I and far better than I. He also loves me. I can rest in the peace of that knowledge.
The second song that came to mind was:
Even if by MercyMe.
“They say sometimes you win some
Sometimes you lose some
And right now, right now I’m losing bad
I’ve stood on this stage night after night
Reminding the broken it’ll be alright
But right now, oh right now I just can’t
It’s easy to sing
When there’s nothing to bring me down
But what will I say
When I’m held to the flame
Like I am right now
I know You’re able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
They say it only takes a little faith
To move a mountain
Well good thing
A little faith is all I have, right now
But God, when You choose
To leave mountains unmovable
Oh give me the strength to be able to sing
It is well with my soul
I know You’re able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
I know the sorrow, and I know the hurt
Would all go away if You’d just say the word
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
You’ve been faithful, You’ve been good
All of my days
Jesus, I will cling to You
Come what may
‘Cause I know You’re able
I know You can
I know You’re able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
I know the sorrow, I know the hurt
Would all go away if You’d just say the word
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
It is well with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul”
This entire song is worth listening to and reading. I know God can heal this hurt and sorrow. He is choosing not to. So in that I have faith that his reasoning is greater than mine.
The last song was:
Hills and valleys by Tauren Wells
“On the mountains, I will bow my life
To the one who set me there
In the valley, I will lift my eyes to the one who sees me there
When I’m standing on the mountain top, I didn’t get there on my own
When I’m walking through the valley end, no I am not alone!
You’re God of the hills and valleys!
Hills and Valleys!
God of the hills and valleys
And I am not alone!”
This song reminds me that I don’t get to the mountaintop by myself and to get to the top I have to go through the valleys. So if I have to go through them then there I am also not alone. God travels this journey with me.
The last two songs have been my anthem since January 2017. I listen to them daily as reminders that I am not in control nor am I alone.
It is no coincidence that we sang that song or that those songs played in my heads afterward. It was no coincidence that the pastor who was going to preach was sick so someone else stepped up and preached off an outline they were working on for a few weeks from now.
God is talking. We just have to listen.
Grace Lives Here 
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