I am loved. She is loved.

A few days ago I was sitting holding my sleeping 6 year old.

Sounds sweet right?

Wrong.

You see she had had 3 seizures in 3 days. Friday night. Saturday night. And Sunday morning. This was Sunday morning.

She was too tired to go to her Sunday school class so she was hanging out with me. Her body too tired. While she didn’t have big convulsions, the effects on her body were the same. It was done. She slept all through worship, most of the sermon. We went home ate lunch and she slept the rest of the day.

Her body was losing the battle with itself. Fighting a disease that has taken so much and will continue to do so for the rest of her life.

The sermon Sunday was over listening. How we should listen closely, continuously and courageously.

Three songs kept playing over and over in mind as I sat there holding my sweet girl.

One we sang that morning.

Good Good Father by Chris Tomlin

Cause you know just what we need

Before we say a word

You’re a good good father

It’s who you are, it’s who you are, it’s who you are

And I’m loved by you

It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am”

Because he is just that. A good good father who loves Olivia far greater than I and far better than I. He also loves me. I can rest in the peace of that knowledge.

The second song that came to mind was:

Even if by MercyMe.

They say sometimes you win some

Sometimes you lose some

And right now, right now I’m losing bad

I’ve stood on this stage night after night

Reminding the broken it’ll be alright

But right now, oh right now I just can’t

It’s easy to sing

When there’s nothing to bring me down

But what will I say

When I’m held to the flame

Like I am right now

I know You’re able and I know You can

Save through the fire with Your mighty hand

But even if You don’t

My hope is You alone

They say it only takes a little faith

To move a mountain

Well good thing

A little faith is all I have, right now

But God, when You choose

To leave mountains unmovable

Oh give me the strength to be able to sing

It is well with my soul

I know You’re able and I know You can

Save through the fire with Your mighty hand

But even if You don’t

My hope is You alone

I know the sorrow, and I know the hurt

Would all go away if You’d just say the word

But even if You don’t

My hope is You alone

You’ve been faithful, You’ve been good

All of my days

Jesus, I will cling to You

Come what may

‘Cause I know You’re able

I know You can

I know You’re able and I know You can

Save through the fire with Your mighty hand

But even if You don’t

My hope is You alone

I know the sorrow, I know the hurt

Would all go away if You’d just say the word

But even if You don’t

My hope is You alone

It is well with my soul

It is well, it is well with my soul”

This entire song is worth listening to and reading. I know God can heal this hurt and sorrow. He is choosing not to. So in that I have faith that his reasoning is greater than mine.

The last song was:

Hills and valleys by Tauren Wells

On the mountains, I will bow my life

To the one who set me there

In the valley, I will lift my eyes to the one who sees me there

When I’m standing on the mountain top, I didn’t get there on my own

When I’m walking through the valley end, no I am not alone!

You’re God of the hills and valleys!

Hills and Valleys!

God of the hills and valleys

And I am not alone!”

This song reminds me that I don’t get to the mountaintop by myself and to get to the top I have to go through the valleys. So if I have to go through them then there I am also not alone. God travels this journey with me.

The last two songs have been my anthem since January 2017. I listen to them daily as reminders that I am not in control nor am I alone.

It is no coincidence that we sang that song or that those songs played in my heads afterward. It was no coincidence that the pastor who was going to preach was sick so someone else stepped up and preached off an outline they were working on for a few weeks from now.

God is talking. We just have to listen.

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