Word of the year 2019: Surrender

This year choosing a word was easy. In fact I didn’t even choose it. It jumped at me with a bright neon flashing light doing a dance. Surrender. Surrender. Surrender.

Surrender is defined as: “abandon oneself entirely to (a powerful emotion or influence); give in to.

Did you hear that.

Abandon oneself entirely. Entirely.

Not here and there. Not with this but not that. Entirely.

It’s a dare. A challenge.

To give up myself entirely in exchange for a true peace; a peace that surpasses all understanding.

Can you see it? I can see it. A wave of peace washing over me as I step into the dare. Challenging my comfort, and my control. Giving them up.

Abandoning myself entirely.

Surrender to God’s will.

Oh why oh why does that seem so scary.

Because surrendering to God’s will means being okay with circumstances I’m not okay with. It means being okay with handing my daughter over to surgeons knowing she may come back to me a completely different person hopefully for the better, but it could be for the worse, know she may not even come back to me. How do I surrender to that? How do I surrender that God’s plan, his plan that works all things for my good could involve my worst nightmare.

I’m not just surrendering this big moment in time. I’m also surrendering every little moment. Every decision I am surrendering to God.

Eating my feelings? Surrender that. Find the root cause. Facing the root cause. Abandon myself.

Spending problem? Surrender that. Find the root cause. Facing the root cause. Abandon myself.

Being lazy, living in my head… the list could go on. Surrender that. Surrender it all. Abandon myself.

It means putting in the hard work. The work of digging out the ugly. Facing the ugly. Surrendering myself to a better life.

“And going a little farther, he fell on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him. And he said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.””

‭‭Mark‬ ‭14:35-36‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Even God the son had to surrender to himself. He too had to face the ugly, not his own ugly but all of mine, all of humanity’s. He had to abandon himself entirely. Not only to become human but he took our sins upon his self. He abandoned himself entirely for God the Fathers glory. For my good. For the good of us all. For a greater peace that is beyond all understanding.

So that’s what I’m doing this year. I’m abandoning myself entirely. Surrendering to a power, to a wisdom, to an understanding that is far greater than my own.

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