The job of a medically fragile child’s sibling.

I abandoned my child. Now say it again. I abandoned my child. Say it again one more time. I abandoned by child. I say this to myself. I tell myself I had no choice. I say it to prepare my heart. One of the greatest parenting advice I ever got is to always be open […]

Ten years from now a thousand fold

Dear Matt, You said it best when you said “sometimes it feels like 20 years, sometimes it feels like yesterday” We have been through a lot these past 8 years. The good, the bad, the ugly, the scary, the beautiful. Through it all you have been there. We have somehow managed to bring 3 beautiful […]

2018 a year of JOY.

At the beginning of the year I chose a word. I thought and prayer for one word. Instead of resolutions –that wouldn’t last longer than a month, maybe 2– I chose a word. One word. One word to define a new year. One word to strive for. Joy Coming into 2018 I was ending one […]

The secrets behind the highlight reel.

I often get told “I don’t know how you do it” or “you are so strong”. The reality is I don’t have a choice. I have to be strong. It’s not an option for me to break down because it takes too long to put myself back together. Trust me I know. Truth is you […]

I am loved. She is loved.

A few days ago I was sitting holding my sleeping 6 year old. Sounds sweet right? Wrong. You see she had had 3 seizures in 3 days. Friday night. Saturday night. And Sunday morning. This was Sunday morning. She was too tired to go to her Sunday school class so she was hanging out with […]

The desserts can be found on the washer and dryer

Generations. They tell a story. A story that has been passed down changing slightly with time but still ringing with the truth of the past. July 2, 1992. I was born. The first in my generation on my mom’s side. The fifth living generation. I have been blessed. In my life I have known: 1 […]

Embracing the mess

To the mom who is sitting in the middle of the mess. It’s 8pm and your staring at your house convinced you did nothing today or maybe you feel like you did everything and have nothing to show for it. There are solo cups strewn across the room from building countless cup towers. The 50 […]

Memory Loss, Permanent Deficits, Quality of Life, Mortality Rates and where God fits into it all.

Memory loss, language/communication problems, permanent deficits, quality of life, mortality rates.  Where is God when I am discussing these topics with my child’s doctor? I’ll be honest sometimes God seems very distant, like he is just sitting back watching my daughter struggle through life without lifting a finger to help. Sometimes I wonder why Olivia? […]

I have PTSD from my child’s illness.

No, I don’t need a doctor to tell me that. I can tell you that because I am living it. Ask me what my biggest fear is. Ask me what haunts my dreams. Ask me what it’s like to live with the what if’s. Ask me what it’s like to relive the worst moment of […]

What I would give to be the mom in the carline…

Carline, a thing I used to dread… 45 minutes in a car with my cranky toddler who just wants out and a snack or two or five. Carline, I’m not sure anyone really likes the carline. Unless your toddler is sleeping and it’s your hour of peace. In which case hats off to you. You […]